Currently Listening Chutes Too Narrow By The Shins So Says I see related

She's getting tired of it all

I was so excited when I woke up this morning. Throughout the day I would light up anytime my phone vibrated, only to look at it and frown and give exclamations amongst the likes of "damn!" or "bugga" or "oh, piss it..." in a charming British accent. But as the day wore on and 1:00 came around my joy and excitement in the day was shot. I'm so sick of relying on other people to make my day. I'm trying to be patient. I'm trying not to hold my expectations too high because I know the different stipulations that people are subjected to. I know of at least one person reading this who will be thinking "I told you so, in the back of their mind" but I ask you to simply fold you hands and sit placidly and perhaps ask me how songwriting has been going, if I've recently gone on a walk, etc. I also warn you, that from this point on you read at your own discretion. I'll no longer censor myself to keep from touching a soft spot.

And now...I need to get the hell away form this damn computer.

.Scribbles

Currently Reading Pride and Prejudice By Jane Austen see related

*I really enjoy drinking liquor*

*Most of the time, I have no fucking idea what I’m doing*

*I have a penchant for cursing…you may or may not have noticed*

*I’m not exactly a “tidy” person*

*I’m quite cheap*

*I’m very self-conscious*

*I speak in a British accent when I’m nervous or unsure of the subject matter being addressed*

*I’m a sucker for guys with piercings*

*most of my “spontaneous ideas” were, to an extent, premeditated*

*I lie often to keep from hurting people more than absolutely necessary*

*I can’t stand being alone, but I love holing myself up away from the world*

*I hate needles and pain, yet I fully intend to get at least one tattoo and a few more piercings*

*The more socially unacceptable a person is, the more interesting I find them to be*

*Fat people make me nervous…I’ve been verbally assaulted by more than three*

*I strongly dislike malls and shopping at one*

*I’m way too indie. I get warm fuzzy feelings when I talk about a band that no one has ever heard of*

*…and I sometimes get discouraged when people I dislike know of said band*

*I sometimes purposely use big words when speaking just to confuse people. It’s fun*

*Lulls in one-on-one conversations with people I don’t know very well send me into anxiety*

*I love bubble baths*

*I secretly like reality television*

*I have a lot of really random and useless shit in my room that I’ll never throw away because of sentimental reasons*

*I don’t like Christmas and I have my reasons*

*I have a twisted and dark sense of humor*

*I get a little sad when I see dead animals on the side of the road…or in general*

Dammit...

I have to go back to school tomorrow...eighteen more weeks...eighteen more weeks. And I'm going to be on a short schedule. I get a science classe (Chem II) this semester and I'm dropping band. I'll get out early...what the hell should I do with that extra hour? Maybe I can go back to taking guitar lessons. Hmm...

Well...I'm already staying up later than I probably should.
Damn.

Eighteen more weeks...and I graduate.

.Scribbles

Observations of the day:

1. There's a place above my shower where we ripped down some hideous wall paper. It tore away the surface of the dry wall leaving a silhouette in the shape of Mexico and Central America...is this some sort of sign from God...like seeing Jesus or the Virgin Mary in some obscure item of food?
2. My nose tingles when I'm about to cry.
3. Cold weather sucks, but apparently I look "cute" all bundled up (yay...)
4. Corpus Christ, TX is almost half a day away from Las Cruces, NM. But I lose an hour in transit, so it would be closer to...10-ish hours?
5. I have problems geting to sleep and then problems getting out of bed once I do fall asleep...my alarm is a futile attempt to keep me from sleeping my day away.
6. No matter how determined I sound when I state that I will do something tomorrow...more than likely it will be four days till I actually motivate myself to do it. (usually...)

*sigh*....how lame.

.Scribbles

I'm determined to wake up to my alarm in the morning this time...I don't really know why.

Currently Listening Light Grenades By Incubus see related

"I think it's time to find a new love interest, Miranda."

These words...I frown and look up in surprise. Don't say this to me, I think to myself but outloud I instead address the situation in a defiant slightly agitated voice: "No." What's the deal with my female relatives? My mom, my aunt, and now my sister all seem to think I would be better off pursuing something...someone closer to home. What makes the situation odd is that normally I would agree with them and waste no time in putting their advice into action. But instead I really have no desire to do so. Instead I cling and scheme to and of ways of possibility one day getting a chance to play this out like a normal relationship. Why? I really have no idea. This fact further perpetuates the abnormality of this situation. Maybe it's because he's not insanely screwed up like every other former guy that has come and gone in my life. I don't have to fix him or complete him or some spiritual crap like that. Of course with him I instead stress over the distance and the time and when I'll get to see him again and whether or not we ever will acheive relationship normality. Then again, is that was I really want? Hmmm...

But now there is some other entity stalking the vast expanse of movie screen in my mind that constantly plays memories and fantasies and whatever else may surface throughout the day. I probably never should of gone there. I always lie and say that I regret going there. I just can't stand living a life without tribulation and challenging choices. And when they don't come along naturally, I pick up the gun and take the honors of shooting myself in the foot.

Mmm...Cordial cherries!
.Scribbles